Post by Laughing on Nov 15, 2008 0:19:40 GMT -5
Birchpaw
[ . itsalways just a dream . ]
Once more the face of his mother haunted his dreams, a pretty bengal she-cat staring out at him with no expression at all. She lay on her side, golden eyes peering into his soul like she wanted to rip his beating heart out of his chest. But he wasn't able to look at her long, even though she was his mother and he was supposed to be able to look her in the eye. But the way she stared and that haunted way that her eyes never moved from the center of his chest scared him. It was almost as if he couldn't look at her, no matter what angle she would always be staring directly through his heart. Trying, he had already said this, trying to kill him. He pawed at the ground nervously, afraid and tired of this dream that had been occuring for so many nights. It always ended the same. She always just faded away into nothing. She never did anything, never said anything. When he woke up he was tired, yet incapable of falling back under. He was being tormented to the extreme by his own mother through his own dreams.
"Birchpaw? Birchpaw?" her mouth moved and her voice escaped suddenly, the sweet tone he knew as a kit coming out. She was just the same. The way she spoke, the tone was still the same. "Birchpaw, I will leave you for now. Your father has begged me to keep away from you. I have been distracting you from your work, he says. But why don't you look at me, Birchpaw? Why don't you come and say hello to your mother? I was waiting for you, Birchpaw, to come and welcome me to your dreams. Why don't you love me?" Her voice had not changed its tone... from the tone that he had loved, adored. Now he felt guilt riding his bones. He felt sick. Her eyes were growing stars and her pelt was shimmering. She was leaving and he could say and do nothing. She was staring at him like he had done something terribly wrong, like he had cursed Starclan or murdered another Clanmate. But he had. He had murdered his mother's love in him.
"M-mother!" he suddenly cried out, golden eyes wide as he let the word pass. "Mom, I love you, just... just... just..." He pursed his lips in confusion, incapable of letting out the words that he wanted to. "Just next time, next time dad let's you visit, say hi to me first. Nuzzle me and tell me I've been a good son, because, mother, I can't... I can't do the same." His voice grewed hushed and his eyes turned downwards the moment that the words passed by. He knew that her stare was gone the moment it left, the hardness and cruelty dissipating from his back. She hated him, she hated him! Oh, curse these words and these feelings! She hated him! He felt like yowling out his sadness, but found that in the next moment he was awake, in the Riverclan dens, rolling out of his reed and moss made bed.
"Wha-?" Birchpaw yawned, his tawny eyes flickering blankly as their shifted to remember the area he was in. The apprentice den in the Riverclan camp. He was out of his dream, away from his angry mother, the one that he had caused such pain too. He closed his eyes tight as he let his mind beat itself and his words. He could feel each bang like a real punch to the side and he swallowed heavily when it was done, like gulping back real pain. It was real, just not in the sense of phsyical issues. He cast a glance at his sleeping Clanmates, wondering if their dreams were any better then his. His eyes cast along their forms, their rising and falling chests and envied their pretty sleep for only a moment before letting out a great sigh. It was his fault that he was tortured in his dreams, he shouldn't let out his hatred on them. He couldn't ruin their days.
The young bengal slunk out of the den with a slack expression, slipping to the side of the den and resting his head on his paws, looking out at the rising sun. Dawn had approached once again, though this time it was well on its way up. The patrol had probably already left. Without anything to take him mind off of it, Birchpaw wallowed in his anger at himself for hurting his mother, his ears flattened against his head and his tail curled against his nose. He was such an idiot!
[ . its
Once more the face of his mother haunted his dreams, a pretty bengal she-cat staring out at him with no expression at all. She lay on her side, golden eyes peering into his soul like she wanted to rip his beating heart out of his chest. But he wasn't able to look at her long, even though she was his mother and he was supposed to be able to look her in the eye. But the way she stared and that haunted way that her eyes never moved from the center of his chest scared him. It was almost as if he couldn't look at her, no matter what angle she would always be staring directly through his heart. Trying, he had already said this, trying to kill him. He pawed at the ground nervously, afraid and tired of this dream that had been occuring for so many nights. It always ended the same. She always just faded away into nothing. She never did anything, never said anything. When he woke up he was tired, yet incapable of falling back under. He was being tormented to the extreme by his own mother through his own dreams.
"Birchpaw? Birchpaw?" her mouth moved and her voice escaped suddenly, the sweet tone he knew as a kit coming out. She was just the same. The way she spoke, the tone was still the same. "Birchpaw, I will leave you for now. Your father has begged me to keep away from you. I have been distracting you from your work, he says. But why don't you look at me, Birchpaw? Why don't you come and say hello to your mother? I was waiting for you, Birchpaw, to come and welcome me to your dreams. Why don't you love me?" Her voice had not changed its tone... from the tone that he had loved, adored. Now he felt guilt riding his bones. He felt sick. Her eyes were growing stars and her pelt was shimmering. She was leaving and he could say and do nothing. She was staring at him like he had done something terribly wrong, like he had cursed Starclan or murdered another Clanmate. But he had. He had murdered his mother's love in him.
"M-mother!" he suddenly cried out, golden eyes wide as he let the word pass. "Mom, I love you, just... just... just..." He pursed his lips in confusion, incapable of letting out the words that he wanted to. "Just next time, next time dad let's you visit, say hi to me first. Nuzzle me and tell me I've been a good son, because, mother, I can't... I can't do the same." His voice grewed hushed and his eyes turned downwards the moment that the words passed by. He knew that her stare was gone the moment it left, the hardness and cruelty dissipating from his back. She hated him, she hated him! Oh, curse these words and these feelings! She hated him! He felt like yowling out his sadness, but found that in the next moment he was awake, in the Riverclan dens, rolling out of his reed and moss made bed.
"Wha-?" Birchpaw yawned, his tawny eyes flickering blankly as their shifted to remember the area he was in. The apprentice den in the Riverclan camp. He was out of his dream, away from his angry mother, the one that he had caused such pain too. He closed his eyes tight as he let his mind beat itself and his words. He could feel each bang like a real punch to the side and he swallowed heavily when it was done, like gulping back real pain. It was real, just not in the sense of phsyical issues. He cast a glance at his sleeping Clanmates, wondering if their dreams were any better then his. His eyes cast along their forms, their rising and falling chests and envied their pretty sleep for only a moment before letting out a great sigh. It was his fault that he was tortured in his dreams, he shouldn't let out his hatred on them. He couldn't ruin their days.
The young bengal slunk out of the den with a slack expression, slipping to the side of the den and resting his head on his paws, looking out at the rising sun. Dawn had approached once again, though this time it was well on its way up. The patrol had probably already left. Without anything to take him mind off of it, Birchpaw wallowed in his anger at himself for hurting his mother, his ears flattened against his head and his tail curled against his nose. He was such an idiot!
